January.....I will be glad when it's February.

January is such a hard month.  All the parties, and celebrations are over.  It's Winter....so brrr freezing cold.  It feels dark and dreary.  I don't know if it feels like this to me because I have anxiety or what, but it just does.  Some or most of us have Christmas on Credits cards that need to be paid off.  We have taxes hanging over our heads.  I have tried to make the most of it and keep myself busy and enjoy life.  The thing that makes January so hard for me mainly is today Jan 31st. was the day my Dad decided to take his own life.  It breaks my heart.  So not only do I have all that other stuff looming over my head, I have this looming as well.  It has been 4 years now since my Dad died.  I really struggle with it all year long in spurts, but it is especially hard on the day that he died.
On the 31st. all the memories of that day come flooding back into my life.  It is the worst to have to be told that your Dad died over the phone, and told that it was heart failure.  It's not a lie, but I knew there was more to it.  My Dad was a very healthy man, and very energetic.  I knew he had been very stressed by certain things in life.  When I was finally able to talk to my Mom and my little brother Quinn I was told that we would talk about it when I got there.  So it was confirmed that it wasn't just heart failure but something much worse.
The drive was the worst.  I lived 12-13 hrs. away from my parents.  My siblings all lived within 2 or 3 hrs away from them.  I wanted to be there with my family to just hug and sob with them.  I have the most awesomest best friend in the whole world.  Without pausing to think said that she would take my baby Maddie and fly home to Utah with her, so I wouldn't have to stress over her and the issues that we were having with her.   I don't think Brittnie will ever know how much that meant to me.  Such a selfless act indeed!  I hope I can one day do something so selfless in return for her.
Having my suspicions confirmed was the worst.  I can remember my heart just sinking to the bottom of my stomach and sobbing.  Sleeping in the bed with my Mom was hard.  I think we both just sobbed most of the night.  I don't even think I slept.  Seeing my Dad dead, planning the funeral, having the funeral, was so hard.  Then actually having to go back to real life just sucked.  I was so worried about my Mom, and it was so hard being far away from her.  You get my point it's just HARD to lose a loved one.
This past year has been hard.  My Mom decided that she wanted to start dating again. So She took down all of the pictures of my Dad except for the one of our big family picture.  I sobbed when she told me.  It is hard when I go and  clean her house, and my dad's pictures aren't there.  It was nice to be able to talk to his picture in each room that I cleaned.  I know that sounds stupid, but it helped. 
Yesterday was hard.  My family got together at my MOm's house for dinner to celebrate my brother Chris's birthday, and my nephew Sam's birthday.  My Mom invited one of the men she has been seeing.  Nothing serious, he just wanted to meet our family.  It was hard to see my Mom with another man though.  I will not give my Mom a hard time.  I want her to be happy and not lonely.  I just want her to take it slow, and make a good choice.  I know that she will.  This man was really nice, but it was still hard!  You can tell he really likes my Mom, and that makes me happy.  He's not my Dad though. My Dad is irreplacable.
Anyways I just had to get all of this off my chest and out of my head.  I didn't sleep well last night, my stomach was cramping up, and my brain would not shut off.  I could not get comfortable.  I kept dreaming about this man my mom is seeing, my Dad and today.  I will be happy when January is over, and I can move on and deal!
I love you Dad! I miss you Dad!  I know that you miss us.  I know that this is hard for you too.  We will always think about you and cherish your memories!  Nobody can ever replace you.  Thanks for the things you have taught us.  I know that you are watching over us, and that makes me so VERY HAPPY!!!  Love you Dad!  Until we meet again!!!

P.S. to those that care:  The only reasons i'm greatful for January is that my Brother Chris was born, and good friends that were born as well!

Vampire

Does this picture look like a vampire?

So I do flash cards with Madisynn off and on.  She always gets stuck on this one.  She knows the letter U and the sound it makes, but she can never get the picture right.  So I ask her the letter first, she names it.  Then I ask her the sound it makes, she says it.  Then I ask her what the picture is.  Without missing a beat she says vampire.  It is so funny!  Cracks me up every time!  Love that little girl!

11 step program for those thinking of having kids

I think this is pretty accurate!  Way to funny!!!
Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.



Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.



Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)



Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.



Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?



Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.



Time allowed for this - all morning.



Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.



Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.



Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.



You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.



Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.



Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.



Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

You know your from Utah......

How does he know us so well????

FORGET REDNECKS; THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAD TO SAY ABOUT UTAHNS!



If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Utah.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Utah.
If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend, you live in Utah.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Utah.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Utah.
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Utah.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Utah.
If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph -- you're going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Utah.

My favorite one:
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Utah.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly' you live in Utah.
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends, you live in Utah.