Funk

I have been in such a funk.  Everything started to just go crazy when my sister moved.  I've been trying so hard to get out of this funk.  Everything bothers me, i'm sad, depressed, angry.  I think it all stems down to where we are living.  I love my house, and I love my friends here, but it just isn't enough right now.  The street and neighborhood that I live on is little Latino Town.  Not being racist!  There isn't a lot of kids for my girls to play with.  They are either in junior high, or the kids are Hispanic and the parents don't speak English.  The only neighbor that has a kid maddie's age are the neighbors next door.  They have a little boy named Rowen, but they won't let him come over to our house to play.  Very rarely do my girls get to go over there.  I think they have been invited to play over in the backyard twice.  I always say hello, and ask them how they are doing, but that's as far as it goes.  My friends all live on other streets, so it's not like my kiddos can just walk a couple houses down.  Also a lot of the homes have been foreclosed on, and have been vacant.  I'm praying that some good people will move in with kids my kids ages.
Another problem is that our ward is tiny, so tiny that it really should be considered a branch.  Our ward is really struggling right now.  It seems like everyone is burned out and just giving up.I have felt like giving up and saying i'm done.  We have 3 families that are moving.this June.  It's really going to hurt our ward more, it worries me.  Again hopefully some big families will move in.  There is a lot of older people who are set in there ways, and they just aren't that friendly.  The younger people are great, but there just isn't a lot of us.  We just all need to band together and help each other out.  I have started to wonder if we should move too. I would like to have more kids, and more active people in our ward.  I feel like my kids are deprived because they haven't grown up in a ward like the one I grew up in.  The ward I grew up in was very active, caring, just plain awesome, I have so many good memories.  No other ward has ever been as good as that ward, and I don't think their ever will be.
Earlier this week I had a meeting to go too.  I was just recently called as a visiting teaching district supervisor.  I hate the word visiting teaching.  It makes me feel guilty.  I used to be a dang good visiting teacher, but it's been hard here.  I don't like to be counted as a number, and it felt like every time I did go visiting teaching that that's all the person who I was visiting felt.  The relief society presidency has redone visiting teaching companions, and who they will be visiting.  Earlier this year our ward had an enrichment activity that was centered around visiting teaching.  The cultural hall was all set up according to how our neighborhoods looked on a map.  The chairs had our addresses on them.  We were instructed to sit where our house was.  It was very lonely where I was sitting. I was the only one on my street who came.  There was 1 other person from the street behind us.  All of the other streets had about 5 people.  We were then instructed to look at the map and figure out who should visit who on our streets.  It was tough!  The other lady from the street behind me and I had to do all of the planning for our streets which would be a district.  We worked really hard and felt like what we arranged  was right.
The relief society presidency has felt that it would be easier to do visiting teaching by streets instead of being so spread out.  It's easier to see what is going on on the street you live on.  Get to know them and see their needs.  It's not about a lesson, but truly caring about that person and what they need.  Getting to know your neighbors.
So going back to the meeting.  The relief society presidency and the bishopric prayed about the changes the sisters had made, and that is how our visiting teaching is.  There are 3 districts in out ward.  As a district supervisor I'm in charge of calling and seeing if people have done their visiting teaching, and getting any other information about what people are needing and letting the presidency know.  I'm scared out of my mind, worried that I might mess something up, plus I hate being on the phone.  Throughout the meeting though I felt that I would be okay(still scared though) and that I could do this.  I know that this calling will be good for me.  I actually started to tear up at the end of the meeting because I know that everything we talked about is right.  We aren't required to give a lesson.  All that is needed is that we get to know these sisters and care about them.  See to their needs.  I hope and pray that this helps our ward.
During the meeting we were asked what we want in a visiting teacher.  I said well home visits are good unless i'm busy then a phone call would be okay.  Also just someone who cares.  They asked me if I felt like I was cared about by prior visiting teachers.  I didn't know what to say because I have never had any visiting teachers come to my house.  They told me it was okay to say no that I didn't feel cared about.  So I said no I don't feel like i'm cared about by visiting teachers.  Now I have friends in the ward that have helped me and made me felt cared about.  I didn't say that, and was wishing that I had.
I sent a text to Jody the relief society president that night thanking her for such a good meeting, and told her that I did feel cared about by some people in the ward.  I told her that I was ready for people to start caring again.  She replied back thanking me and saying that she thinks people care they just don't go out of their way to show it.  I agree with her. She said that with the Lord's help we can see miracles happen.  I know she is right.  I know that miracles happen.  Our ward needs some miracles, and i'm ready for them to happen.  I love this new relief society presidency.  They have done some good changes.  I let Jody know this.  She was happy to hear that!
I also got a chance to talk to my friend Gail who is in the presidency the next day.  We talked for over an hr.  I told her the same thing I told Jody.  I wanted to let her know that same thing about me not feeling cared about by visiting teachers, but feeling cared about by friends.  She is my friend and she has helped me out and been a real blessing in my life along with Jacoy, Nicole, Becca, Beth.  They are wonderful friends.  We have decided that we need to have some neighborhood bar b q's and just talk and have some fun this summer.  I have missed doing these.  We used to have Bar B Q's all the time when we were in the military living in California.  I have really let these kinds of things slide since moving back to Utah.
I was able to call and talk to my best friend in the whole world Brittnie earlier this week as well.  She is like a sister to me.  I love and miss her so much.   We were connected at the hip and did just about everything together.  She always makes me feel better about myself and about things in general.  She was able to make me feel better about the way I have been feeling about everything.
I have also been so stressed about getting this trip to Illinois planned.  We have already spent a lot of money on getting ready for this trip, and we still haven't even gone.  We had to replace both sets of brakes, and the shocks and struts.  It makes me mad because our car is a newer car.  It's either a 2007 or 2009.  I'm stressed that gas prices are going to shoot up, i'm stressed that our car is going to die on the side of the road.  All of these things keep plaguing my mind.  I need to just stop worrying so much.  I need a shirt that says just relax already. I really am excited to go on this trip, it just needs to get here already.  We leave in just a couple of weeks.
I"m tired of Matt working the graveyard shift.  So very tired of it.  I'm tired of hearing about the people that he is working with.  Matt is capable of so much more.  He doesn't need to be a doctor or making tons of money.  You aren't stretching your mind when doing security work.  I want him to go back to school and get his bachelors degree.  It would open more doors for him.  I can't make him do anything though, he has to want it.  He is looking and putting in applications though, so that's a good start.
 I have had some experiences lately of not listening to the spirit.  I'm kicking myself for not.  I could have avoided the feelings and worry that I've been having if I would have listened.  I need to be better about recognizing the spirit.  I have been down on myself for not recognizing the spirit and lot's of other things. Feeling like I don't measure up with other people, and not feeling like I'm good enough.  Then I start to feel envious.  On Sunday in Sacrament meeting I felt like all of the talks and lessons were directed towards me.  Not in a bad way.  I was a sobbing mess during sacrament meeting and trying to hide it.  Had to have Matt go and get me some tissues.  The people that I think are perfect are not perfect.  I'm not perfect.  The Lord knows this.  Just do the best that I can.  I need to find some good hobbies, and develop more talents.  I need to quit worrying about things that happened in the past and move on.  I need to focus on the present and the future.  If I want things to change, it needs to start with me.
I have poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father in prayer.  I know with his help and If I have faith, if i'm in tune with the spirit, I will be guided, prompted to things I should go, do, and say.  I love my Heavenly Father, my Savior Jesus Christ, my family, and my friends, and I know they love me!  I do care about people, and I want them to know that I care about them.  So sorry that this post has been so jumbled up, down and negative, it's just the way I have been feeling.  Thanks for reading!.

Service

Today I had a good experience, I got to help someone in need.  I was going to my afternoon school crossing.  I  walked to my crossing because it was a nice day.  As I approached my crossing there was a boy standing on the corner.  I don't know what grade he was in.  He could have been in 7th grade.
 I crossed the crosswalk and put my cone where it needed to be and then asked the boy if he was going to cross.  He said no.  He was talking to himself.  I just kind of shrugged it off and hurried to turn my lights on.  Then headed back to my corner.
As I was heading back the boy was walking towards me.  He looked like he was talking to himself again.  As he got closer he was talking to himself, but I saw his eyes.  He had been crying.  I asked him if he was okay.  He said that his Dad drove right past him up by the 7 eleven.  He was scared, and upset.  I instantly pulled out my cell phone and said here we can call him, it will be okay.
He talked to his Dad and tried to explain where he was, and then he got frustrated and asked me if I would talk to him.  I was happy too.  I quickly explained that I was a crossing guard , and that his son would be waiting at my corner for him, and then gave him my crossing location.  His Dad seemed grateful, and said he would be there in a little bit.  At least that's what I think I heard.  There were a lot of cars driving by as I was talking.  After I got off the phone with the Dad, I told the boy to come with me to the corner of my crosswalk and that his Dad would come pick him up soon.  The boy still looked worried, and mad.  The Dad came about 5 minutes after I hung up with him.
I'm so glad that I payed attention to how the boy was acting, and that I could help him.  It feels great to help others.!  It's so hard when people turn you down, and don't let you do anything for them.  It's kind of like a slap in the face.  I know it's hard to let other's help you when you are fully capable of doing it on your own, but we need to let them help us.  It helps them to help us.  Blessings all around! I have activity days tomorrow and it's on Service.  Coincidence???  Maybe, maybe not.  Now I can share This experience with the girls in my group! There are always opportunities to serve and help others.  We just need to keep our eyes open and look for those opportunities.

Mother's day

This year I wanted to do something special for both of our Mom's this Mother's day.  They are both wonderful mother's, and I'm so grateful to have them in our lives.  My Mom has been going through a hard time, Matt's Mom has been struggling with her health for years.  She hasn't been doing to well. She's at a point where the doctors can no longer do anything for her.  I came across this saying: When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.  I knew I wanted to do something with that saying.  I also wanted to do something with President Uchtdorfs talk about the forget me  nots.  We decided to say you are not forgotten with some forget me not flowers.  I wanted to make them into magnets. Matt and I found some clear shower tiles and glued strong magnets on the back of them.  Then we used Matt's vinyl cutter and printed out the sayings and put the vinyl words onto the magnets.

This is what the finished project looked like.  I think they turned out pretty good.

We also came up with a list of words describing them with each letter of their first and last name.  They both loved their gifts.  On Mother's day we were able to go and have dinner at my Mom's house.  I was going to invite her over to our house, but she wanted to make me a birthday dinner.  She was having her siblings over for dinner and she was making cafe rio burritos.  She said she would have lot's of leftovers.  I was good with that.

When we got home from church my Mom called.  I missed the call though.  I listened to her voice message.  She had me worried when I listened to it.  I thought somebody was hurt really bad, or dying.  I called her back, and she didn't answer.  I tried again, and she picked up.  She told me she was in the emergency room.  She said she had fallen.  I got nervous.  Then she gave me the full story.  She was out working in her yard on Saturday.  She stood up to fast and got dizzy.  She fell onto a patch of flowers that had some dead wood in it.  She got a sliver that she couldn't get out.

Normally she wouldn't make a big deal about it, but she was going to Georgia later in the week, and knew that something would happen.  She didn't want to risk it, so after her church got over whe went to a after hrs. clinic.  they said they couldn't do anything for her and x-ray wouldn't be able to show where the sliver was.  They sent her to the emergency room at the U hospital.  They numbed her leg, and dug around and couldn't find anything.  Then the doctor proceeds to tell her that normally the body will push the sliver out on it's own.  She was like well why did she even come.  If she knew that the body could push it out on it's own she wouldn't have bothered.  She also got a tetnis shot just to be safe.  I'm glad nothing else serious happened to her or anyone else.

While she was at the hospital we went to her house and got a fruit salad made, and got the burritos out ready to reheat them.  Then she came home and she made my birthday cake.  My sweet Mom.  I'm glad she made it home fast.  Quinn was able to come and eat with us.  After eating we watched O brother where art thou.  I loved it!  It was so funny and good.  It was nice to spend the night with my family, Quinn, and my Mom.

Turning 32

I turned 32 on May 11th.  It also happened to be Maddie's school family picnic day.  I didn't want to eat at the school, so I took her and told her I would be back in a half hr. to pick her up and we would go somewhere for a picnic lunch.  We ended up going and getting a Little Caesar's pizza, and crazy bread.  Maddie wanted to eat it on the trampoline, and so we did.  It was fun receiving special birthday wishes from family and good friends on facebook throughout the day.  I even had a friend shout Happy Birthday Karen out their car window at me while I was at my crossing.  I felt special and loved. 

We didn't do anything special.  Just went to village inn for dinner.  I love breakfast for dinner and it sounded so good, and it was so good.  I'm glad that I was able to celebrate with Matt and the girls.  Matt had to go to work, so we found something on netflix.  Netflix had Gem and the Holograms on instant.  I remember growing up and loving Gem.  I had a Gem barbie doll.  So awesome!  We watched a bunch of the episodes, and now Kenzie and Maddie are addicted, and love Gem.  Maddie said that was her new name.  Too funny!

Matt got me a memory foam mattress for the top of our bed.  He thinks that it will help us sleep better, and help me so I won't sleep walk.  We will see.  I hope so!  We also went and saw the Avengers movie that just came out.  We went with a couple of our friends.  Had a babysitter to watch all of the kiddos too.  It was nice to go out, I needed a laid back funny night!  Even though I feel old, and didn't really feel like celebrating my birthday I'm glad we did.

McKenzie's Baptism

McKenzie was Baptized Saturday May 5.  Matt and I were so excited for her, and proud of her decision to be baptized. She was baptized by Matt, and confirmed by her Great Grandpa Pierce.  She was glowing when she came up out of the water.  We were able to have Josh and Brenda, Rachael and Jason's families, my Mom, Grandpa and Grandma Pierce, Dan, Becca, Alice, and Livvy Ethington some good friends in the ward come be a part of her special day.  Most of my family lives out of the state, along with Matt's parents, and his little brother Jacob and his wife Tally and kids.  We missed them and wished they could have been a part of Kenzie's day.  Kenzie was able to help one of the speakers out and go up on the stand and help with an object lesson.  Huge for McKenzie, she is very shy.  She did very good!  We had a family get together afterwards.  Good food, and good conversation.  I called my Grandma Kotter earlier in the week to invite her to the baptism.  She wasn't able to come.  She told me that times have really changed.  She said when she was baptized her Dad came home and took her to get baptized, and then they came back home.  No huge celebration afterwards.  It is a big deal, and it's nice to celebrate it.  I think I had stressed myself out worrying about trying to do what everyone else had done.at other baptisms and gatherings.  I like small and simple and I'm glad it turned out that way.

March madness turns into April madness

Man oh man can I just say exhausted?  This month has been just as crazy as March.  Let me start at the beginning of the month.  The first weekend in April was General Conference weekend.  That Saturday listened to the first session and then went to steam clean my sister's carpets.  She had asked me the day before they moved if I would do it for her so she could leave shortly after her family.  If I were in her shoes I would have done the same thing so I didn't even hesitate and said yes.  She had already borrowed our steam cleaner, but hadn't gotten a chance to use it.  I left after Saturday morning session of conference.  It was a sucky drive knowing that Kate and her family were no longer there.

As I'm cleaning the carpets I wasn't getting up very much dirty water.  I was worried, but kept on going.  It took me almost 4 hrs. to do the whole house.  Half way through this guy shows up and knocks on the door.  It was the guy that was just staying there at night keeping an eye on things until Justin's sister came.  He had come to listen to conference on his computer.  I felt bad that I was in his way.  He understood, and left.  I didn't know that he was going to be there.  I was so tired when I had finished and left to go home.  I talked to Matt when I got home about the steam cleaner.  He had used it before I used it.  I asked him if he had gotten up a lot of dirty water when he used it.  He said he had.  He even went and steam cleaned our downstairs to see if it was working right.  It was.  He got a bunch of dirty water back up.  I was extremely frustrated at this point.  I felt like I had wasted my day.  I had to go back anyways and vacuum the carpet.  I didn't want to have to steam clean again, but I was worried about their carpet.  I told Matt that he was going to do it, since he was getting water up at our house.  We were planning on going after Kenzie left for school on Monday morning.  Maddie and I were on spring break, and it was Matt's day off.  I went to bed angry and frustrated.  I think March really did a number on me.  I hate feeling that way.

The next morning I listened to General Conference, and then we got ready to go to Jason and Rachael's(Matt's sister) to watch the last session.  It was nice spending the day with them and Josh and Brenda(Matt's brother)  I love Conference weekend!  After Conference we spent the day planning for our family trip to Nauvoo Illinois.  Matt's parents live out there a long with his Little Brother Jacob and his wife Tally.  We plan to drive out altogether to visit them and visit church history sites along the way.  I'm so excited to do this, but I am extremely stressed.  Their is a lot to plan for, and it is just so overwhelming.  I'm very thankful for Jason and Rachael who have gotten all of the info for camping spots, gas stops, church history sites.  I will be okay about it once we get on the road to go.  We still have so much to do and time is running out to do it all.

On Monday we left about an hr after Kenzie left for school.  Poor girl wish she would have had the whole week off like Maddie.  Anyways we left that late because I was worried that the guy staying at Kate and Justin's wouldn't be up yet.  I was again frustrated when we pulled up in the driveway and his car was still there.  It was after 9 when we got there.  Matt got out and we followed.  He knocked on the door to give the guy some warning.  He didn't answer, so Matt unlocked the door.  He walked around the house and he walked into the room the guy was sleeping in.  We had woken him up.  Matt apologized and said that we needed to get this done.  The guy understood, and ended up leaving about an hr. after we had started. I'm so glad Matt came with me.  He got a lot more dirty water than I did.  We were able to finish everything in 3 hrs.  We vacuumed as well so we wouldn't have to come back.  Such a great feeling to have that done and out of the way!

I had a friend that I grew up with that suddenly died.  She had been having a lot of health issues going on lately in her life.  The doctors didn't really know what was going on with her.  Anyways she got some kind of virus on a Thursday, went to the doctor on Friday.  Her husband and son fell asleep on the couch and the next morning went in to check on her, and she had died.  So very sad.  Yes I had grown up with her, but we never hung out.  I needed to go and support her and her family.  They are good people.  I felt so bad for them.  Camille's older brother had died a couple of years ago very suddenly as well.  Something with some medication.  It wasn't suicide, I think that he mixed medicines and it reacted.  Just a lot of heartache for the whole family.  Camille had 2 kids the oldest was 8 and the youngest 3.  She would be turning 32 this year.  So young to die.
I know that she is in a better place where she can run again, and have no health problems. I know she will always be near her family keeping watch over them.  I'm glad I was able to go to the funeral and support the family.  Camille will be missed.  With her passing it got me to thinking about what would happen if I suddenly died.  What would Matt and the girls do, how would they feel.  It made me very sad to think about it.

The rest of the week we had Easter to plan for.  It really snuck up on me this year.  Along with planning for Easter I had to plan for singing time in Primary.  The music leader had asked me the week before General Conference if I could fill in for her on Easter and the week after.  I really wanted to say no.  I'm not musically inclined, and was scared to death.  It's not in my nature to say no to helping out in Church so I said yes.  I instantly got the nervous feeling which stayed with me until I was done filling in for those 2 weeks.  I don't know what my problem is with getting up in front of people.  I hate it!

Easter went well.  We colored eggs the Friday night before.  That Saturday I took the girls to one of our friends son's Baptism.  Then we hung out at Rachael and Jason's for the rest of the day.  The kids colored more eggs, played.  I tried on some clothes and took some home.  Thanks to Jason's' cousin and to Rachael for sharing!  It was nice to have some more clothes. We talked and planned more on our Nauvoo trip.  We had talked at the Baptism as well.  We were thinking about taking a bigger trailer behind Josh's' vehicle.  I was starting to feel sick about it, and having just discussing it was making me sick.  I didn't want to have to worry about towing a trailer.  After the Baptism I called Matt.  He didn't have the same feelings as me.  We had a little argument.  I hate when we don't see eye to eye on things.  He still went and helped Josh install the hitch just in case we do decide to haul a trailer.

Easter morning the girls woke up and went to see if the Easter bunny had come.  They saw that their baskets were out, but nothing in them.  I think they even looked in the fridge to see if the bunny had taken their colored eggs.  When I woke up they asked me where the bunny was.  I told them that he was a tricky bunny and that he was just being sneaky.  Also that he wanted the whole family together when it was time to do the egg hunt.  Matt works graves so he sleeps, and then since it was Sunday we have 1:00 church.  So I told the girls that the Easter bunny was coming, but didn't know when.  We just needed to be patient.  The girls were so patient.  When we came home from Church they instantly went to look in the backyard to see if the bunny had come yet.  They came back in saying that tricky bunny hasn't come yet.  I said he will.

My Mom invited us over for dinner so I had Matt hurry and putt the Easter stuff in the trunk and we headed over there.  He went and hid stuff after we went inside my Mom's house.  Quinn came and helped Matt.  Then we pretended to be all surprised saying that sneaky rabbit came girls let's go see what he brought you. The girls went outside and saw their baskets with a sack small sack of chocolate candy, a small carton of robin eggs, and a hula hoop.  They were so excited, and then became even more excited when they saw some of the eggs they were to find.  They had fun, and we had fun watching them.  We ate a yummy dinner, the girls played with their hula hoops, and the adults played hearts.  It was a good day!

P.S. My singing time went well.  I was so nervous, my hands wouldn't stop shaking.  I decided to have them do an Easter Egg hunt to find out which songs we would sing.  I put a Hershey Kiss inside with a song to sing.  The kids seemed to have fun.  My other Singing time went well too.  We played sing like.  So I blew up a balloon put a slip of paper with a song on it and how to sing it.  The kids had fun, and I did too.  Still shook the whole time.  I'm so glad I was able to help and do it, but am so glad to have it done and over.

Monday the 9 I had my second dentist appointment to have the rest of my cavities filled.  I forgot that we had gone to the dentist back in March for cleanings and cavity fillings.  So back in March I couldn't keep anything straight even if it was marked on the calendar.  I had rescheduled our dentist appointment twice.  I was so mixed up and I swore we got a reminder about it from our calendar updates the day before.  So we went on March 5 at our scheduled time.  They got us right in and got things done quickly.  I went home thinking things were great and then I looked at the calendar to cross some things off and realized that we had gone to the dentist a week earlier.  I felt so stupid and bad.  I never do things like that.  I'm a pretty organized woman.  I apologized at my appointment the next week.  It was Matt, Maddie, and I that had cavities to be filled.  Matt had 2 fillings that fell out that were under warranty, and maddie had 1.  I had 6.  I have bad teeth.  Maddie didn't even flinch getting hers filled.  That was her first cavity, she really impressed and motivated me.  I couldn't let her see that I was scared.  I have to say it wasn't that bad.  The dentist did an awesome job!

Going back to my appointment on April 9th.  I was nervous to get 5 fillings done.  I hate that shot, and I had to get 2 of them.  After the shots i'm sitting their waiting and my phone rings.  I don't answer and let it go to voice mail.  I hear the voice message alert, still don't check it.  Then my phone rings again.  I decide to at least see who is calling. It was Matt so I answer.  He asked me if Kenzie's school had called me.  I said i had received a call before him but didn't answer.  So he says well Kenzie swallowed a quarter.  I was in shock. He goes on to say that she is okay just really scared.  The school wanted us to do something.  I asked him to call them back since and figure things out since they were about to start drilling.  Matt was on his way to help install the trailer hitch and was almost there when the school called.  He said he would call back and call me and let me know what we needed to do.

I was still in shock when I hung up.  The dentist asked me if I was okay.  I told him what had happened.  He asked me if I needed to go.  I said my husband was taking care of it.  We talked more about it. and then they filled my cavities.  They did an awesome job!  After I was done I went out to the car and called Matt to see what happened.  He had about the same info that he had told me about the first time he called.  I told him I was calling the school back.  So I did.  They got Kenzie on the phone and I was able to talk to her.  She was just really scared, and said she didn't know why she swallowed a quarter.  I talked to her for a little bit, and said that I was on my way to come and get her.  I'm so glad she was okay.  It's amazing that she didn't choke on it.

I didn't find out the real reason of why she had put the quarter in her mouth in the first place.  This is how it went down.  A couple of months ago the kids needed to bring so many pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters for their money unit.  The class had finished up with that unit the day Kenzie swallowed her quarter.  Mrs. Davis told the kids to put the money bags away in their back packs.  Well one of Kenzie's friends asks her if she could borrow one of her quarters.  Kenzie let's her.  Then Patience her best friend in the class asks her for one of her pennies.  Of course Kenzie gives it to her.  Patience starts putting the penny in her mouth, so when  Kenzie got her quarter back she started to copy Patience.

Mrs. Davis turned her back to write something on the board while all of this was going on.  When she turned back around she saw Kenzie who looked terrified.  She asked her what was wrong.  Kenzie just whispered.  It took about 3 times of Kenzie whispering it for it to register in Mrs. Davis' head.  She took her out to the hall.  She asked her if she could breathe, & swallow okay.  She also asked her why she would do that.  Kenzie just said she didn't know.

When we got home I called the doctors office to find out if we should bring kenzie in to be seen.  They were closed that day, but had the number for the on call clinic.  I called them to see what they would suggest.  They asked me how she was acting.  I told them she was running around happy as can be, that she had eaten, and had drank water with no problems.  They told me to just keep an eye on her and watch for any bleeding, or sudden vomiting.  They said that it could take about 12-24 hrs or longer to pass the quarter.  That time frame went by and we didn't see any quarter.  I wasn't about to go digging through poop to find out either!

About a week and half goes by, and i'm starting to wonder if Kenzie needs to have x-rays done to see if the quarter had passed.  As I'm thinking about it the doctors office calls and was wondering how kenzie is doing and if the quarter had passed.  I told them that she was acting normal, but was worried about not knowing if the quarter had passed.  I asked them if we should get her x- rays to see.  The medical assistant said she would talk to the doctor and let me know.  She called back the next day and said to go ahead and get it done just to be safe.  So we did.  The quarter had passed, what a relief!  They said to still keep an eye on her and watch for any sudden abdominal pain, or coloration of her bowels.  Kenzie is fine and healthy!

Another incident happened with Kenzie the next day.  I was losing my patience with Kenzie and her friend patience.  Before I tell about the incident I have to backtrack a little.  Patience lives about a 30 min away from us.  It's really hard to have play dates.  If we have a play date it has to be on a Friday, and it has to be well planned.  I can't just drive out on a whim.  I started getting these calls from Kenzie and Patience about 20 min before school ended asking if they could have a play date.  I told them no, and was thinking it was very odd that the teacher would let them leave class to call me for that reason.  I talked to Kenzie about it and told her I didn't want her calling me from school unless she was throwing up, feverish, hurt badly, or scared for some reason.  I think those are all legitimate reasons to be calling.  I then explained that she could only have a play date if it was planned in advance, and on a Friday.  I explained why.  Kenzie said she understood.

On top of them calling from school Patience started calling at like 5:30 asking if kenzie can come over.  I called back to talk to her Mom.  The Mom didn't even know that Patience had been calling.  Patience has been in trouble, and was trying to win the battle with her Mom.  She was grounded until her room got picked up, and homework done.  Claudia flat out tells me that she wants her kids to have fun and usually didn't stick with the punishments.  She also didn't want to hurt McKenzie's feelings by not letting her play with Patience.  I told Claudia that Kenzie would understand.  Follow through with your punishment.  I could tell from that moment that Patience is very spoiled and gets what she wants.  It drives me crazy!

I thought Kenzie understood.  Then while i'm getting ready I hear the phone ring.  I ignore it and keep getting ready.  The phone rings again.  I ignore it.  After I'm done getting ready I go downstairs to see who had called, and if they had left a message.  There were 2 messages.  I listen to them.  The first one was Kenzie wanting to have a play date with Patience.  My blood starts to boil, I listen to the 2nd message.  It was Patience asking for a play date.  My blood starts to boil even more.  I was mad that they had again called 20 min. before school got out, that they called twice, and that Kenzie already knew the answer.  Kenzie was going to have some explaining to do when she got home.

Then I get a phone call from my friend Nicole.  She takes, and picks Kenzie up from school for us.  The second I saw her name I knew something was wrong.  She says Makayla her daughter didn't go to school today ( they are in the same class and leave together) I'm waiting for Kenzie she hasn't shown up yet.  She asks me if I had picked Kenzie up from school today.  I said no and start to panic. ( I always let her know if I'm picking Kenzie up)  I told her about how McKenzie and Patience had been calling.  I said she better not have gone home with Patience.  It would be better if she had and not a stranger.  I just was upset because she knows.  Anyways Nicole said that she had her kids inside looking for her.  She told me it would be okay and that they would find her.

I'm sitting at home waiting for her to call or text me and I get all of these emotions running through me.  I missed he call back.  This is what happened:  Patience got McKenzie to come out to the back of the school with her to wait for her mom to come so she could ask for a play date.  I was upset that Mrs. Davis Kenzie's teacher didn't know where she was, and the phone issues with kenzie and patience.  I'm glad that Nicole's kids found her and got her to come to the car with them.  Nicole told McKenzie that she will always be here to pick her up unless she has heard from me.  She can't leave until she has everyone.  Kenzie told her okay.  I still don't think it registered in her head though.  I was glad she was okay, but she was in big trouble.

I had to get my other friend Nicole to pick Maddie up for me because Matt had gone to return a movie to a friend.  When Kenzie got dropped off at my crossing spot she got out of the car without a care in the world.  I was mad.  I told her to get in the car and buckle up.  I talked to Nicole some more about what had happened.  When I go back to the car of course Kenzie isn't in the car she is playing outside of it.  I tell her that she is in big trouble to get in and buckle up while i'm crossing.  I was seething.  During the crossing she kept sticking her head and body out of the window.  When I got the chance to go sit down I explained to her more that i was really upset about what had happened and to buckle up.  That we would talk more about it when we got home.

When we did get home I talked to her about the whole situation.  I told her she was in trouble for calling me again when she knew it wasn't a valid reason too.  It turns out Patience had been getting Kenzie to sneak out of class while everyone was cleaning up to go to the office to call me.  That really upset me.  I don't know why the office was letting them do it either.  I called the school to talk to Mrs. Davis to let her know what was going on.  She had no idea the girls had been sneaking out.  I told her I wanted it to stop.  She said that would let Patience's mom know.  I know that situation could have been a lot worse, and I 'm grateful it wasn't.  Kenzie was grounded from all electronics, play dates with Patience, until her birthday.  A little over 2 weeks.  She also had to write sentences the whole time we were doing activity days.  She was upset.  We had a lot of tears.  I later found out that Patience was grounded as well.  Glad her Mom was following through.

I know this is not good, but I really don't want to make the effort to get to know these people.  Especially when they live so far away.  I hate all of this drama!  I want Kenzie to be happy and have friends that are close.  It's hard not having more kids on our street.  I wish there were more.  My kids and the other few kids in this neighborhood are deprived.  The kids that do live directly on this street they are Hispanic and the parents don't speak English.  It's hard!  Anyways so far we haven't had any more problems with patience.  No more phone calls.  I'm trying to teach Kenzie to stand up for herself and say NO.  It's a hard concept to learn.  There was one incidence and I'm proud of Kenzie.  Patience wanted to take Kenzie's jacket home.  Kenzie told her No.  I asked Kenzie if Patience got mad.  Kenzie said she did, but then she talked to her at the end of the school day.  I said see it wasn't that bad to say no was it?  I said Patience is used to getting whatever she wants, and being in charge.

Saturday April 14th I took the girls to Rachael and Jason's house.  I had asked her if she could cut the girls hair and style it.  I wanted to take some pictures of Kenzie in her beautiful baptism confirmation dress.  Rachael is very talented with styling hair, I'm so glad she was able to help me!  She did a good job, and we got some cute pictures of Kenzie in her dress.  Thanks Rachael!  I also wanted to go to my Mom's and take some pictures of Kenzie in the dress with all my mom's pretty flowers.  It was a stormy day though and didn't happen.

Sunday April 15th we were able to meet with the Bishop for Kenzie's baptism interview.  Kenzie was so excited.  April 18th was my Dad's birthday.  He would have turned 62 this year.  It was a hard day for me.  I really missed him, and was living in memory mode again that day.  My emotions are so screwed up lately, it's driving me nuts.  April 19th was our stake roadshow.  I was excited to go, I remember loving the ones our stake did while growing up.  We went it we were so disappointed.  We couldn't hear very well, and people were loud.  Our ward did good from what I could hear of it.  We ended up leaving earlier than we thought we would.  Nothing compares to the stuff our stake did while growing up.  I love that ward and stake and will always hold it dear to my heart.  So many good memories!  Through this week I had the girls birthday to get ready for.

Friday April 20th was the girls birthday.  I wanted it to be a special day. Kenzie said she wanted waffles for breakfast, and Maddie said she wanted rainbow pancakes for breakfast.  I had seen a good idea on pinterest about cinnamon roll waffles made in the waffle iron.  I asked Kenzie if she would like those.  She said yes.  I bought 2 packages of the cinnabun roll dough. It comes with cream cheese frosting.  So I got Kenzie up and did her hair really pretty. I wanted to take her to my Mom's after school and take some pretty pictures of her in her dress with the flowers.  It was the perfect day to do it!  After getting Kenzie's hair done I started to make the waffles and maddie got up.  She saw the cinnamon roll waffles and wanted those for breakfast too.  I made both packages.  They were so good!  put 4 rolls in the waffle iron for about 3 min. then warm up the frosting and drizzle over the cinnamon rolls.

I got Maddie's hair done after she was done eating very similar to McKenzie's hair.  She was excited.  Mowed the lawn because it needed it.  Then I decided to make maddie her rainbow pancakes.  They took forever but was totally worth it.  Maddie was playing while I made them.  When I got done making them I put them on a cookie sheet like a rainbow.  I called Maddie up to eat, and she was so excited to see her rainbow pancakes!  Then we took her to school.  I came back and got the cake mixed and baked, and some other stuff done for the girls birthday.  Then went to crossing and came home took the girls to my mom's house to take the pictures.  Came home and the girls went outside to play and I started to frost and decorate the cake.

The cake is a big part of birthdays for our family.  I don't do the whole birthday party thing, so I make the cake extra special for them.  Since the girls have the same birthday I try to combine what they want.  I asked them what they wanted their cake to be.  Maddie of course said a rainbow, and kenzie wanted a flower.  When they told me this I had a cute idea come to my mind.  I was going to make a rainbow flower cake!  I made a round cake for the center of a flower. Then I made cupcakes and put them around the round cake for petals.  I got a big board that was bigger than a sheet cake pan wrapped tinfoil around it.  Put the round cake on it and the petals around it.  Then I frosted the cake and cupcakes white.  I got skittles to make a rainbow on the flower.  I went around the outside of the circle doing each color of the rainbow.  Then did a skittle for each of the rainbow on the petals in a rainbow shape on the edge of the petals.  I put frosting all over the tinfoil and put blue sprinkles on it for a sky, and some gummy butterfly's.  Green apple licorice pieces for the flower stem, crushed up oreo cookies with the brown cream filling for dirt and gummy worms put on top.  It turned out so cute!

I was in the middle of decorating, and hadn't started dinner yet.  Matt was sleeping because he had to work that night.  My Mom was coming over to celebrate.  She got here, and she helped me finish decorating the cake while I made homemade pizza and bread sticks.  The girls were banned from the kitchen the whole time because dinner and the cake are all presents and they aren't allowed to see them.  They would keep coming inside through the kitchen to get something to take outside, and we would make them close their eyes.  The anticipation was killing them.  I'm so glad my mom was able to come and help and spend time with us.  It was nice keeping it low key.  We enjoyed the food, and conversation.

Then it was time to do cake and ice cream and presents!  The girls were thrilled with what they got.  Kenzie got her own set of scriptures, and of course her baptism dress.  We told her she good get her ears pierced, and they she had been signed up for piano lessons. 8 is a special year and so we did a more for Kenzie than Maddie.Maddie was perfectly content and happy with what she got.  Maddie got a Cinderella squinkie set, and a couple of mermaid barbies from a mermaid tale.  My Mom gave Kenzie a squinkie set, the movie cats and dogs, and some candy.  She gave Maddy a cinderella barbie, and some candy.  I know this is bad, but I can't remember if she gave her a squinkie set as well.  The cake and ice cream were delicious, the girls loved their cake!  We asked them what they wanted to do, and they just wanted to go play with their new toys.  We let them and we all watched a few episodes of numbers.  It was nice to sit back and relax after a long day.  I felt so gross though because I hadn't even showered.  I hate when that happens!

The day after the girls birthday we took Kenzie to get her ears pierced.  We got her ears pierced back when she was 2 and they got infected.  I was worried that it was going to happen again.  Kenzie was scared, but she did just fine.  She chose the ruby studs.  Red is her favorite color.  She did start to get a little gunk coming out of around the piercing.  I was bound and determined that they would not get infected.  I got the cleaner that came with the piercing, hydrogen peroxide, and rubbing alcohol, and started applying all of them 2 times a day.  Doing that helped.  No more gunk!  Bunco was also that night.  I was on a roll with losing.  I won a prize for the most losses.  I actually tied someone, and won the dice roll off.

Tuesday April 24th was Kenzie's first piano lesson.  She was so excited!  She did really well, and was anxious to get home and start practicing.  The next morning I had a doctors appointment.  I have a lump on my left hand.  I've had it for awhile, but it wasn't really bothering me, then it just started to hurt really bad.  It had gotten bigger as well.  So I went in very nervous of what it was.  The doctor looked at it felt it and said you have a gangling cyst.  She asked me if I had heard of the times when someone would smash a book over the back of your hand.  I had heard of that, she says those people had these cysts and by doing that it broke up the fluid.  Interesting.  She told me that she wanted to experiment by using a pain patch to see if it helped the swelling go down and break up fluid.  If that didn't work she would do a steroid injection.  If that didn't work she would do surgery.  I don't want that it's my left hand.  I'm left handed.  I used the pain patch for a little bit, and it didn't see to do anything.  The cyst has gotten smaller and less painful.  I wish it would just go away.

This week was also activity days.  It was Kenzie's first time going.  We painted bird houses for Mother's day, and had birthday cupcakes to celebrate Kenzie's birthday.  She was so excited to go, and she had a blast!  I'm going to have fun going with her each time.

April 27th was Maddie's eye appointment.  I sat down with her that day and told her it's okay if you can't see the letter.  Just say you can't see it instead of cheating and looking over the spoon.  She said ok.  We went she did what I asked her too.  She did really well.  On the ones she truly could not see she just spoke so clearly and confidently saying she couldn't see it.  The doctor came in to check her eyes and he said she is continuing to improve.  Keep doing the eye drops and we will see you back in 8 weeks.  Part of me wishes they would just do the surgery and get it over with, but then things are starting to work.  Slowly!

To finish out our crazy month of April McKenzie's class had a Hoagle Zoo field trip.  I hate that place, with a passion and didn't want to go.  Lucky for me Matt likes it and volunteered to help with Kenzie's class.  I called him near the end, and he was ready for it to be done.  He was in charge of Kenzie's group.  I think he had 5 kids in his group.  He said Kenzie, and 1 other boy were the best behaved of all the kids.  The other ones kept running off.  Also parents that came to volunteered to help were buying tickets for kids to go on the lame train ride, and the merry go round, buying ice cream and souvenirs.  The kids kept begging matt, and then he started to feel obligated.  He bought tickets to go on the train, and then the kids got off and said it was lame.  So disrespectful.  Nobody said thank you.  Then the other parent that was helping matt bought tickets for the merry go round.  The kids got on it, and then when it was done were complaining that it wasn't fast enough.  ungrateful kids.  It makes me mad.  I wish the train, and merry go round were included in the tickets especially when it's a school field trip.  Matt said it was a busy day, 4 other schools were there as well.  He was so glad to have it done and over with, and so was I

I'm glad that April is done and over with.  I've had fun.  I've been so stressed.  I like to be busy, but not that busy.  One more thing happened this month that really upset me.  On the girls birthday the camera on my ipod wasn't working.  So I got matt's iphone and took pictures of the cake, baptism pictures at my mom's, girls pretty hair, pancakes, presents.  I was upset that my camera wasn't working.  When I got home from bunco I checked my email and noticed matt had emailed one of the girls birthday pictures.  I didn't think any more about it until a few days after the girls birthday. I asked matt if he would email all the pictures that I had taken.  He goes to do it and can't find them.  I about lost it.  I was so upset, not at matt, but just the whole situation.  I worked so hard to make good memories and have pictures to remember them by.  For some reason 1 picture was emailed and the rest were deleted.  The girls said they didn't touch it, and I believe them.  They are really good about leaving our phones and computers alone.  They always ask before using.  If we would have had I cloud installed we would have been able to recover the pictures.  I would do a redo of the birthday, but it was a lot of work, and I was exhausted.  I took a picture of what was left of the cake, but it didn't do it justice.

Easter pics-

Birthday-

Baptism-

 I also got dyed my hair a different color, and styled it differently.  I may just have her cut it so I can style it easier all of the time.  I love it!  Part of me at first was unsure.  I went to church like this and nobody said a word.  At least tell me that it's not cute, or it doesn't suit you.  I could have handled those words better than the silence.  I got good feedback the next day though, so I think I might.  =)

My new hairdo-