Impromptu mini healing session

I have been just feeling like crap lately.  The past couple of weeks anyways.  Last Wednesday and Thursday were the worst days out of the couple of weeks.  I spent a lot of the day Wednesday crying, and even more of Thursday crying.  I didn't want to bother my friends Allyson, and Stephanie at gymnastics, so I tried to go with a positive attitude.  Hoping that they wouldn't notice that I wasn't OK.  Allyson and Stephanie are both energy healers, and so they spend a lot of the time talking about their sessions that they have done.  I was OK with that.  I didn't really have a lot to say since I'm not and energy healer.  Then the last 15 minutes Allyson turns to me and says "so enough about us how are you doing Karen?" She totally caught me off guard.  I looked into her eyes and I just knew she knew that I wasn't feeling good.  I just shook my head and started to cry.

I told her what was going on.  The main thing I was feeling was that I didn't feel appreciated for the things I do for others.  I tend to get attached to my family and friends.  I get excited about the things they do, and want to help promote it.  My good friend Becca has written two books.  They have really done well.  I wanted to help her in some way.  I shared on facebook her books, and talked them up.  She is in the middle of a blog tour with her book so that has kept her busy.  She is just busy and I know that.  The thing that was really bothering me is that she wasn't answering my texts.  She does this a lot, but it was more than she usually does.  I just started to get bogged down wondering is she was mad at me, wondering if I was being annoying, wondering if I was even her friend.  I know that is ridiculous to even think, but that is just who I am.  I am a sensitive person.  I wasn't feeling appreciated or acknowledged.  I felt pushed aside like garbage, like I didn't matter.

Then the whole incident with Lisa at my crossing last Monday.  Again I felt stupid, pushed into the background like I didn't even matter.  I have had that happen a lot.  I don't like it.  I also got a call from my Mom telling me that she was going to go visit my Sister Kate. May 4th - 11th.  She was letting me know that she wanted to celebrate my birthday which is the 11th on the 12th.  I kind of detached from the conversation because I was upset because I thought I heard she wasn't going to be back until the 12th.  Matt had already arranged for my Mom to watch the girls on my birthday so he could take me to a piano guys concert.  We've had it planned for 2 months.  Again I felt like I didn't matter, and that I was garbage.    Also I have been feeling like I didn't belong anywhere either.  It's not a good feeling to have.  I told Allyson all about what had been going on.

This is when the impromptu mini healing session started.  Allyson tested my energy to see if I needed any oils.  My energy was saying that I needed some Lemon.  She had some in her purse and gave me a couple of drops to rub on me.  Then she pulled her affirmation cards out of her purse and had me go through them and pull out the ones that really popped out at me.  I pulled out a lot.  Then I was to turn them over and read out loud what each card said.  After I finished Allyson asked me how I was feeling about my body.  I broke down crying again and said awful.  She knew it because I drew out 3 affirmation cards dealing with my body appearance, and health.  I can't remember what all of them said.  I know there was one about forgiving myself.

Stephanie asked me if she could ask me a question.  She told me that I didn't have to answer if I didn't want too.  I said sure.  So she asked why I would need to forgive myself?  I didn't know.  Allyson eventually figured out that my issues were all about self worth.  Allyson tried to clear the issues.  My energy was resisting and wanted Allyson to do a timeline of my self worth issues.  She told me that I had issues every other year starting with the year I was born.  Then she was able to clear it.  Allyson was also able to tell me that it was a generational issue on my mom's side that I had inherited.  I can't remember how many lines back.  Allyson was able to clear that too.

We talked more about my weight issues.  Stephanie was amazed that  I had lost 67 lbs. and that I had kept it off.  The weight has slowly started to come back on though.  It's frustrating.  Stephanie asked me if I had always been heavy, if I had always struggled with my weight.  I replied saying that I started to get heavy in about 4th or 5th grade.  I had another memory pop into my mind this past week.  I was stressing about classroom placement for McKenzie and Madisynn.  I was worried about what teacher they would get.  I had a bad experience in 2nd grade.  My teacher was very mean, and she didn't care if she hurt your feelings, embarrassed you.  My experience was sad.  Imagine in your mind 3 2nd grade class rooms combining together to watch reading rainbow.  The lights are off, the opening song on the show starts.  I start to whistle quietly along with it.  My teacher yells out who is yelling?  I slowly raised my hand.  She yells at me to go out in the hall.  Then she comes out and yells at me some more.  I stood there and cried.  I think she had me stand out there during the whole show.  I pretty much have blocked out that whole year.  I think that is where a lot of my issues started.  I was already shy, but I think that situation made it worse.

I can't remember what Stephanie said exactly, but I think it was somewhere along the lines of I was feeling like it wasn't OK to shine and be me.  It wasn't OK to have attention.  Some pretty sad self worth issues.  Allyson told me that I needed to go back from my other healing sessions with her and say the affirmations that were on them.  I told her that I was already doing that every day.  I knew they weren't helping me because I hadn't been feeling it.  I was vibrating at a 1.  Of course they weren't helping me.  Allyson asked me if it was starting to feel like it was a routine, like i had to do it?  I said it was feeling that way.  She then told me that she had been doing I Am statements.  She says I Am statements are pretty powerful.  So she suggested that I start repeating I Am statements out loud.  Do that and write in my gratitude journal each day.

Allyson was able to get me vibrating at a 7.  I felt so much better.  I really felt as though a load had been lifted off of my shoulders.  We got all of the negative energy that was clinging to me from other people off of me.  I was instructed that I should do the aura fluff, and the zip up daily to protect myself from other people clinging to me.  As we were walking out to our vehicles I said thank you.  I told Allyson that I didn't want to intrude and ask for help.  That I had promised myself that I wasn't going to bring up my problems.  I told her that she knew me too well, and that she could read me like a book.  She told me that she knew I wasn't feeling good the second she saw me.  She said she could see it in my eyes.  I'm glad I have a friend that knows me so well, and is bossy in a good way to get me to talk.

Since Thursday I have been saying I Am statements, and writing down things that I am thankful for.  I am also looking for uplifting quotes and sayings that can help me.  I found a quote a little while ago that had resonated with me.  I was glad to find it as I was flipping through my journal of quotes.
I am a shining star, and I surround myself with people who encourage my brightness. - Cheryl Richardson
It is OK for me to shine.  I am shining.
I have been doing the Aura fluff, and zip up.  That seems to help.  I have tried to avoid facebook well the computer as much as I can each day.  I really get bogged down, and start to feel worse about myself when I'm on there for long periods of time.  My Mom gets back into town on my birthday.  She will be able to watch the girls.  Hooray!  I have talked with my friend Becca, and I feel better about the whole situation.  She is just busy.  I can't let it get to me.  I don't like that I had let my energy get down, and that I was attracting these bad situations, or problems.

I'm a sensitive person who tends to take on other people's problems, stress, worries. Yes welcome to my world.  It's full of emotion and it is exhausting.  Allyson keeps telling me that me being sensitive is a gift.  I just need to learn how to use my gift without taking the problems onto my own shoulders.  I'm working on that. Really I am.