We were asked to speak in Sacrament meeting....

So the Bishop asked us to come to his office on tuesday the 15th. We were like great we're getting callings already. Not that that is a problem or anything, we just wanted to be in the ward for a little bit before we got callings. So we went expecting to get something. The bishop is like don't worry we aren't giving you callings, I just called you in here because I wanted to get to know you guys a little bit better. A sigh of relief... oh but we were wondering would you guys like to speak on Eternal marriage on the 27th???? Sure we were so delighted to accept! So the meeting with him went great he is a very nice man, very cheerful. I like that!!! We had practically 2 weeks to prepare our talks. It always comes down to the last minute that it can be done. I was a nervous wreck. I hate to speak infront of audiences. We got it done though and we did a great job. So here are our talks if you interested in reading them. I hope you enjoy!

Karen's talk

Well first I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Karen Layton. In 1980 I was born in Logan Utah to Van and Alice Kotter. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. I am the second to youngest. I grew up in Clinton Utah spent about 16 years of my life there. I absolutely loved it, but when it came down to it I needed some change in my life. You see I was in a little bit of a rut. When my parents decided to build a home in South Jordan I was thrilled! I was ready to move!!! That was the best thing they could have ever done for me. So thank you Mom and Dad!
We moved to South Jordan in November of 2000. I started working at the Church printing division, attending the singles ward, and hanging out with friends having a blast! Some of the greatest years of my life were these! I worked with Matt’s little sister. She wanted me to write him on his mission, but I wouldn’t do it. Not much of a writer, plus he was already writing a girl. Then I met his cousins that are on his mom’s side of the family. We actually worked together at the printing center. We became really good friends. I went to their grandma and grandpa’s 50th wedding anniversary celebration, so I met Matt’s brothers and Dad. I had already met his Mom. I also met the rest of his Mom’s side of the family. I remember seeing a picture of Matt on one of the tables and thinking wow he is really good looking! It was soon after that that 2 of Matt’s cousins my friends got engaged and got married. I was thinking to myself oh no I’ve got to find new friends and find a new life. I was scared to start all over again.
Well Matt returned from his mission in Dec of 2001. He broke things off with his girlfriend. Then his Mom, his sister, and his cousins told him that he needed to call me. So he did. He called and I wasn’t there my Dad had answered the phone and took the message. He had written down that a Matt Laydin had called, and that he wanted me to call him back. I had no idea who this was, and it was driving me crazy. A boy was calling me. I thought to myself maybe he was in the singles ward. I got the ward list out and was looking through it. Nope no Matt Laydin was on the ward list. I decided that I wasn’t going to call back. I didn’t know him. So I forgot about it.
Later in the week I went to my cousin’s wedding breakfast with my Dad and apparently Matt had called again. My Mom calls my cell phone and said excitedly he called again he said that you worked with his sister Rachael. She said that I needed to get home and call him. When my Mom said Rachael, I realized my Dad had written the last name down wrong. It wasn’t Laydin it was Layton! So I got home and called him. I was nervous, but he seemed really nice when I called him back. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to his family Christmas party on his Mom’s side. I said sure. I already knew them so I shouldn’t be shy. After he called me I called his cousin Audrey up to tell her. She was excited. She told me that I should go to his mission homecoming. I wasn’t so sure it would be okay. She said it would be fine. So I decided to go.
When I walked into the chapel his Mom saw me right away. She leaned over to Matt and told him who I was. He instantly started to blush. It was really quite cute and funny. He did a great job on his talk, but he wouldn’t look at me at all through it. Afterwards they had a luncheon at his house. I went and we were properly introduced. He then avoided me the rest of the time. Then the moment came where we were forced to talk. Boy it was the lamest conversation ever. I don’t even really remember what was said. I think that we were both just very nervous.
After the homecoming and luncheon were over, Matt and his cousins decided that we should do something before the Christmas party. So I had everyone come over to my parents’ house for a dinner and game night. That night wasn’t so awkward. We had a lot of fun! The next time we would see each other would be his family Christmas party. The Christmas party went well, a little more talking than the last time between the 2 of us. I remember being so happy when I got home. In the next week or so I decided that when and if we went out again that if he didn’t talk more than he had been, then that would be the end of dating each other. Very funny thing was he talked my ear off on that date!
Matt proposed to me sometime after the New Year. I know you are all probably thinking wow that’s fast! It was fast; he really caught me off guard. I had no idea that it was even coming. Apparently he had wanted to ask me all day, but I was being difficult so he couldn’t find the right way to ask me. He finally proposed to me at his parent’s house. I had gone to the bathroom and while I was in there he put the ring in my coat pocket. When I came out I should have known something was up, but I was oblivious. His Mom asked us if we would go to the store and pick up some bread to go along with dinner for her. Matt said sure, so I got my coat on, reached into my pocket to get my gloves and felt something. I didn’t know what to do. I pulled out the ring box that was in my pocket and just looked at it. It felt like a dream. I can’t remember all the details but he got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. Of course I said yes or I wouldn’t be here today!
So we had about a 6 ½ month engagement and got married on August 2nd 2002. It was another one of the best days of my life. Matt joined the military a month after we were married and left for basic training and tech school for the next 3 months. We were stationed at Travis AFB in California. We were there for almost 4 ½ years. We met some of the best people there that became our family while we were away from ours. We have 2 little girls, McKenzie Ann who is 4, and Madisynn Kristyn who is 2. They have the same birthday, which we celebrated last week. They were both born on April 20th exactly 2 years apart. They are our pride and joy and definitely keep us on our toes. We ended up getting out of the military with a Temporary medical discharge because Matt hurt his back on the job. It’s funny when you want to do something; heavenly father has a different plan for you. We had just decided to make a career out of the military, and wouldn’t you know it that’s when Matt hurt his back. Matt was medically discharged on June 12th of 2007. We moved back to South Jordan in with my Mom, helped her to sell her home, and ended up moving to Stansbury Park. We rented a home out there for 6 months, and then we were finally able and ready to buy a home which brings us to where we are now, in the house that the Reynolds lived in. I feel like it was a good decision. I’m thankful we are here. It’s the last place I wanted to be, but the Lord knows where we need to be. I want to thank all of you for being so kind and welcoming.
Now moving along to my talk. The Bishop has asked us to speak on Eternal Marriage.
In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles proclaim that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." When a man and woman are married in the temple, their family can be together forever. This is a common goal of Latter-day Saints.
Life's greatest joys are found in the family. Strong family relationships require effort, but such effort brings great happiness in this life and throughout eternity. In our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness, a man and a woman can be sealed to one another for time and all eternity. Those who are sealed in the temple have the assurance that their relationship will continue forever if they are true to their covenants. They know that nothing, not even death, can permanently separate them.
After receiving the sealing ordinance and making sacred covenants in the temple, a couple must continue in faithfulness in order to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and exaltation.
Those who are married should consider their union as their most cherished earthly relationship. A spouse is the only person other than the Lord whom we have been commanded to love with all our heart (see D&C 42:22).
Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither person exercising dominion over the other, but with each encouraging, comforting, and helping the other.
Because marriage is such an important relationship in life, it needs and deserves time over less-important commitments. Couples can strengthen their marriage as they take time to talk together and to listen to one another, to be thoughtful and respectful, and to express tender feelings and affection often.
Marriage partners must be loyal to one another and faithful in their marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. The Lord has said, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else" (D&C 42:22). The phrase "none else" teaches that no person, activity, or possession should ever take precedence over the marriage relationship.
Married couples should stay away from anything that could lead to unfaithfulness in any way. Pornography, unwholesome fantasies, and flirtations will erode character and strike at the foundation of marriage.
Couples should work together to manage their finances and cooperate in establishing and following a budget. Wise money management and freedom from debt contribute to peace in the home.
Finally, couples must center their lives in the gospel of Jesus Christ. As couples help one another keep the covenants they have made, attend church and the temple together, study the scriptures together, and kneel together in prayer, God will guide them. Their companionship will sweeten through the years; their love will strengthen. Their appreciation for one another will grow.
A couple of years ago I was asked to substitute teach a lesson in Relief Society on nurturing marriage. I feel like the person that was supposed to teach was really inspired to call me. I needed to learn some things about my own marriage. I’ve realized so many things in the 5 ½ years that we have been married that we needed to work on, and that we are still working on. Marriage isn’t a piece of cake you really have to work at it to make it work. It takes 2 and the Lord to make it work. I want to share part of the relief society lesson that I taught with you.

Joe J. Christensen gave a talk entitled “Marriage and the Great Plan of Happiness,” which is found in the May 1995 Ensign. In it he gives 8 suggestions to help strengthen your marriage. I wanted to go over those points with you.

1. Remember the central importance of your marriage. Listen to these words from Elder Bruce R. McConkie on the importance of marriage in our Father in Heaven’s “great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8): “From the moment of birth into mortality to the time we are married in the temple, everything we have in the whole gospel system is to prepare and qualify us to enter that holy order of matrimony which makes us husband and wife in this life and in the world to come. … “There is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units”

2. Pray for the success of your marriage. Years ago, when it was common for a General Authority to tour a mission and interview all the missionaries, Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, was visiting with an elder who was just about to finish his mission. “When you get released, Elder, what are your plans?” “Oh, I plan to go back to college,” and then with a smile he added, “Then I hope to fall in love and get married.” Elder Kimball shared this wise counsel: “Well, don’t just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry.” We should pray to become more kind, courteous, humble, patient, forgiving, and, especially, less selfish. In order to recognize our personal problems or weaknesses which hinder us from being better marriage partners, we should come to the Lord in prayer and reap the benefits of this powerful Book of Mormon promise: “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness … ; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27). And so the need to pray. Many Church leaders and marriage counselors indicate that they have not seen one marriage in serious trouble where the couple was still praying together daily. When problems arise and marriages are threatened, praying together as a couple may be the most important remedy.
There was a time in our marriage where we weren’t praying together. I feel awful about it and I could definitely tell a difference in our marriage. If we don’t include the Lord he won’t help you. It’s easier for Satin to get in and put a wedge between things. Once we realized this and started to pray again together things got better again. We always pray to make our marriage strong that we can build it and continue to love one another, and be good examples to our children. I want them to see that we have a successful marriage.
3. Listen. Make the time to listen to your spouse; even schedule it regularly. Visit with each other and assess how you are doing as a marriage partner. Brother Brent Barlow posed a question to a group of priesthood brethren: “How many of you would like to receive a revelation?” Every hand went up. He then suggested that they all go home and ask their wives how they could be better husbands. He added, “I followed my own advice, and had a very informative discussion with [my wife] Susan for more than an hour that afternoon!” This is found in September 1992 Ensign. A conversation like that could be a revelation for any of us. Have any of you brethren ever had your wife say something like I heard recently: “Joe, are you listening?” She wasn’t the only one who wondered if I was listening. Some time ago, I was taking a nap and our little granddaughter Allison came and lifted up one of my eyelids and said, “Grandpa, are you in there?” We should be “in there” and responsive to our mate.
I’m very guilty of this. There has been many times where I have tuned matt out. I didn’t even realize that I was at the time, but looking back I have definitely done that. It just seems sometimes that other things are more important than listening to your spouse. It should never be like that. Lately it’s been a real pleasure to listen to my husband. When he gets so excited about something especially. I know that I need to take this advice and listen more often.
4. Avoid “ceaseless pinpricking.” Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become. “Ceaseless pinpricking” (as President Kimball called it), can deflate almost any marriage. Generally, each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive. At times it is better to leave some things unsaid. As a newlywed, Sister Lola Walters read in a magazine that in order to strengthen a marriage, a couple should have regular, candid sharing sessions in which they would list any mannerisms they found to be annoying. She wrote: “We were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. … I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? … “After I finished [with my five], it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. … [He] said, ‘Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.’ “Gasp. “I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face.” Sister Walters concluded: “Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit Syndrome” This was in the April 1993 Ensign. Yes, at times, it is better to leave some things unsaid.
I’m very guilty of this not so much now, but a couple of years ago. I remember Matt saying you know you treat me like scum. I didn’t realize that I was making him feel that way. I got better and then when we moved back to Utah back in June it was a tough transition. I have to say the last couple of years have been the hardest years of our lives. A lot has happened and everything seemed to go wrong. I took it out on Matt. I didn’t mean too, but that’s what happened. I had been trying to change him and it wasn’t helping so it made me angrier. I hope that makes sense. We were asked to attend the Marriage and Family relations course when we first moved back. It really helped to listen to the older couples that had been married longer and have had more experience. One day I was talking to one of the ladies in the class at a Super Saturday activity. I was telling her how I enjoyed her comments. She told me that once she stopped trying to change her husband things got better. I’m grateful for her for sharing that with me. Now when I realize that I’m trying to change matt I remember her words and try to back off. It’s hard to do. I’m grateful for Bishop Banks who had asked us to attend this class a couple of weeks after we went to talk to him about our problems. He was inspired by the Lord.
5. Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling. It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element. Once when my father-in-law was leaving the house after lunch to return to the field to work, my mother-in-law said, “Albert, you get right back in here and tell me you love me.” He grinned and jokingly said, “Elsie, when we were married, I told you I loved you, and if that ever changes, I’ll let you know.” It’s hard to overuse the expression, “I love you.” Use it daily.
I always say I love you to matt when he leaves, after we goodbye on the phone. I notice that when you say it like you mean it things go better, and it brings a smile to your faces. How could you not say I love you and not smile! We are guilty of not getting out and spending time alone together. I have had several people say or suggest go on a date it will rejuvenate you. I know it will help us. It feels great when we are able to go out on a date with each other without our children. It really does rejuvenate you. I want our girls to know that we love and care about each other. I don’t want them thinking goodness is watching T.V. All that Mom and Dad know how to do. It’s a goal of ours to start going on dates once we feel more settled.
6. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.” As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, “I apologize, and please forgive me,” even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses. When differences do arise, being able to discuss and resolve them is important, but there are instances when it is best to take a time-out. Biting your tongue and counting to ten or even a hundred is important. And occasionally, even letting the sun go down on your wrath can help bring you back to the problem in the morning more rested, calm, and with a better chance for resolution. Occasionally, we hear something like, “Why, we have been married for fifty years, and we have never had a difference of opinion.” If that is literally the case, then one of the partners is overly dominated by the other or, as someone said, is a stranger to the truth. Any intelligent couple will have differences of opinion. Our challenge is to be sure that we know how to resolve them. That is part of the process of making a good marriage better.
Being the one to say you are sorry is the hardest thing to do. Matt hates contention. I do too, but I am usually the one to pick a fight. There have been several times where we had been arguing and didn’t apologize to each other. I remember just being so prideful and stubborn and rolling over and crying myself to sleep and feeling so bad in the morning.. I’ve heard from several people as marriage advice to never go to bed angry. Take that advice. I’m taking it now, as stubborn as I might be. There was an instance about a month ago that we had a bad argument before we went to bed. Of course I started it. Matt got up and turned off the light to go to bed. He said I don’t want to fight with you. It made me feel so bad. I was fighting with myself about doing the right thing and apologizing to Matt. Then I started to think about that advice and I started to cry, and I apologized to him I got a good nights rest and felt better in the morning.
7. Learn to live within your means. Some of the most difficult challenges in marriage arise in the area of finances. “The American Bar Association … indicated that 89 percent of all divorces could be traced to quarrels and accusations over money” (Ensign, July 1975, p. 72). Be willing to postpone or forgo some purchases in order to stay within your budget. Pay your tithing first, and avoid debt insofar as possible. Remember that spending fifty dollars a month less than you receive equals happiness and spending fifty more equals misery. The time may have come to get out the scissors and your credit cards and perform what Elder Holland called some “plastic surgery” (Ensign, June 1986, p. 30).
I am very tight with money. It makes me sick to spend it. I’m all about budgeting. We have talked about budgeting our money for years. We need to get serious and get a budget plan going. I’m grateful that Matt has gone along with what I feel on the money issue. He loves to spend money. He likes his toys, but I think that he realizes that I would be happier if we didn’t spend money on expensive things that we don’t need at the time. I think he’s happy if I’m happy and vice versa. I know that if we live within our means that we will be able to put money into savings and when an emergency comes up we will have the money to take care of the problem.
8. Be a true partner in home and family responsibilities. Don’t be like the husband who sits around home expecting to be waited on, feeling that earning the living is his chore and that his wife alone is responsible for the house and taking care of the children. The task of caring for home and family is more than one person’s responsibility. Remember that you are in this partnership together. Barbara and I have discovered that we can make our bed every morning in less than a minute and it’s done for the day. She says that she lets me do it to help me feel good about myself all day, and I guess there may be something to that. Find time to study the scriptures together, and follow this sound counsel from President Kimball: “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, … and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle”.
We need to help each other understand what equal means. I know that for a Man it’s stressful to be the full time provider, but it’s also stressful for a Mother to be a full time Mother. It shouldn’t matter who does what just as long as you’re taking equal responsibility and helping each other. Matt is the priesthood leader in our home, not me. I shouldn’t act like I am, and I am guilty of doing it a lot. I’ve started to ask Matt what he thinks we should do and not just take charge. We started to read scriptures with each other morning and night, which has helped us tremendously. It is the best feeling to go to the temple hand in hand with your spouse, to look over at them during the endowment session, to be with them in the Celestial room afterwards and to just sit down and enjoy each other’s presence and to ponder and pray. Reading the scriptures morning and night together has definitely helped us out.
So in summary:
• Remember the central importance of your marriage.• Pray for its success.• Listen.• Avoid “ceaseless pinpricking.”• Keep your courtship alive.• Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.”• Learn to live within your means.• Be a true partner in home and family responsibilities.
F Burton Howard in a talk of his was talking about silverware and how his wife treated it. He said for years I thought she was just a little bit eccentric, and then one day I realized that she had known for a long time something that I was just beginning to understand. If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.
Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is. I bear my testimony to you that if you pray and ask the lord to be included in your marriage he will help make it great! I know that if we are doing the things that we are supposed to be doing we will be blessed. I know that if we communicate with our spouses that it will help make a marriage run smoothly. I’m grateful that we were married in the temple, and that we are able to return. It’s another goal of ours to start going more often even if it’s once a month you will be blessed. I’m grateful for my father in heaven for blessing me with such a wonderful family, and comforting us and helping us through our trials. He does hear and answer our prayers. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.