I will remember you

I can't believe it's been 5 years today since my Dad died.  Each year gets easier.  I still have my moments where I just break down and cry.  I really miss my dad.  It's hard when something important happens in any of our families lives, and he isn't there.  I know that he is there spiritually, but it's hard not having him here physically.  I pray and hope that he is remembering us.  I have no idea how he is feeling on the other side. I'm sure it's hard for him looking down on us and seeing our pain and frustrations because of his actions.  I'm sure he is full of regrets, and wishes that he would have done things differently, so he could be with us today.  We can't judge him for killing himself, he wasn't in his right mindset.  It's just so sad that he wasn't in his right mindset.  What's even more frustrating for me is that I had no idea that he wasn't in his right mindset until it was too late.  I always think back to my last phone conversation I had with him.  I wish I would have asked him what he needed, instead of what I needed.  So selfish.  I try not to beat myself up. 

I think of this saying:

We should all do good to remember this.  You never know!  Treat them as if it were there last day here on earth each and everyday that you see them or talk to them.  

In the past couple of years I have dreamed of my Dad once.  I can't really remember the dream to well, and I'm not sure I wrote it down.  I just remember that he was wearing a tuxedo, and he was smiling.  I ran to him and we hugged and hugged, and than I just sobbed.  I woke up crying. It was comforting to know that he seemed happy. 

Then one night a couple of months ago I was getting ready for bed.  I was putting lotion on my feet, and for some reason I started to think about him.  I said my prayer, and just as I was getting ready to lie down I thought I heard my Dad say my name.  I don't know, but it sure sounded like him.  I started to sob again.   I really hope it did happen.  I would love to be able to have a conversation with him and remember it.

It's so hard to see my Mom without him.  It's hard to see her sad and lonely.  It's hard to see her be upset with him when she is really struggling with something that he always took care of.  It's just hard to lose a loved one.

  Anyways Dad I will always remember you! I will remember the life lessons you taught us kids.  I will remember the many vacations you took us on.  I will remember the many crazy fun things you wanted to try and did do.  I will remember how good you treated McKenzie when we visited.  I will remember you whenever I blow out birthday candles.  I will remember you whenever I see a wheelbarrow.  I will remember you whenever I exercise.  I will remember you whenever I see a water slide.  I will remember you whenever I see a Buick.  I will remember you when I see a rat.  I will remember you when I see a beagle.  I will remember you when I see a goat.  I could go on and on.   I will remember and cherish all of the memories I have of you.  Thank you for being a good father.  I love you, and miss you so!

Some pictures of my Dad:

I have a dirty little secret

I have a dirty little secret.  It's an addiction really, and I'm in big trouble!  It's been going on about 2 weeks.  Do you really want to know?  Okay Okay mercy, uncle, ouchie!  Fine I'll tell you.  Here it is, I have an addiction to pinterest.  There I said it!  I can't stay away from it, it's always in the back of my mind.  I feel like a kid on Christmas morning every time I log in.  I can't wait to see all of the goodies waiting for me to pin to my boards.  I can't get enough, I have to pin everything. Does anyone else feel like this?

For those wondering what pinterest is this will sum it all up for you:

It's fun to see all of these fun ideas..  I have already made1 thing which was a lotion for my cracked skin.  I love it!  My hands are so smooth. I have bought the items to do a couple of valentine crafts.  I hope to be able to make more of the crafts.  I have been inspired with tons of quotes.  My 3 favorite boards to pin are the fitness, fitness, fitness, Chocolate + Peanut Butter = yummy goodness, and the mouth watering desserts.  I go crazy!

 Some things that I have learned on pinterest:

and I have to say:

Also an apology to my family for neglecting them:
 I will be better and fight this addiction.  I will spend  more time with you, cook you good meals, love you, and be the best Mom and wife ever!
Yours truly,
Me

Gallbladder cleanse round 2

I started my 2nd Gallbladder cleanse this past Tuesday.  I debated and debated about whether I should do another one or not.  In the book it did say that doing the cleanse once only scratches the surface, and that you should do it at least 3 times.  I just wanted my body to be healthy so I took the plunge and made the decision to do another cleanse.  Funny thing my friend Allyson text me and asked me how I was reacting to foods.  I told her so far everything had been fine and that I was going to do a cleanse.  She was surprised that I was going to and she muscle tested me and text back saying that yep I still had some gall stones to get rid of.  That really helped make the decision.
For those of you who didn't read my first post on the gallbladder cleanse click here: Liver & Gallbladder Cleanse. It's a pretty extensive cleanse.  It's not fun, but it is so worth it.  I had a harder time doing it this time around because I knew what to expect, and I was dreading it.  First 4 days were a piece of cake, even though I felt like a rabbit.  The last 2 days of the cleanse not so much.  I love avocados, but since doing this cleanse not so much anymore.  I didn't know how I was going to gag down 3 avocados, the nasty beet soup, that awful  Epsom salt, and olive oil.
Somehow I managed to do it, small bites of avocado mush.  Gulping down the beet juice broth, and quickly eating the veggies in it.  Those were the easy part.  I was able to drink the first glass of Epsom salt only gagging once.  The 2nd glass was so much harder.  It took me 10 min. to drink that sucker and I couldn't even get the whole 8 oz glass.  I had to keep spitting it out because I was gagging so much.  I think I got 5 oz. down.  It was awful.  The olive oil was harder too, I didn't gag with it in the first cleanse, but I did with this one.  I spent most of Saturday feeling crappy, and then it turned into nauseousness that night, and most of Sunday.
I'm happy that I was able to complete it a 2nd time, but don't know if I have enough willpower to do it a 3rd time.  I passed tons of gallstones which makes me happy.  I had to text Allyson and ask her to do her voodoo magic and muscle test me to see if I needed to do another cleanse and if certain foods were okay to eat again.  She text back and said another cleanse wasn't necessary, bread, meat, and pasta were okay to start eating again.  She said to lay off of dairy for another week.  I trust her, and I'm going to follow those instructions.  Hallelujah on not having to do another cleanse!
Back in December I had my yearly preventative physical done and said that I had a couple of issues.  Low on Vitamin D, and high on my Magnesium, and of course the high Billy Rue ban  count for the gallbladder.  I was prescribed a Vitamin D supplement, and something for the Magnesium.  I hope the cleanses really helped the billy rue ban count.  I am going in the end of the month to get my blood drawn again.  I hope I have some really good results.  I just want to be a healthy person! I try so hard to be, so let me!  It's important!  I'll post when I get my results.  Thanks for reading! =)

I Love Technology

In the words of Kip Dynamite:


Why do you love me 
Why do you need me 
Always and forever 

We met in a chat room 
Now our love can fully bloom 
Sure, the World Wide Web is great 
But you, you make me 'salvivate' 

Yes, I love technology 
But not as much as you, you see 
But I still love technology 
Always and forever 

Our love is like a flock of doves

Flying up to heaven above 

Always and forever
Always and forever

Yes, our love is truly great
Always and forever

Why do you need me
Why do you love me...

Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Hey Deb, can you take a photo of me on the horse real quick'
Sure.
Thanks.
I hope you guys's experiences are unforgettable.
Lookee lookee, a little keepsake for you guys.
Lucky

HeeHee I couldn't resist posting.  I love Napoleon Dynamite,it totally cracks me up, and just really makes me happy when I watch it!  Technology and I have a love hate relationship.  I love it, and treat it right, but it hates me and stops working.  I get scared to do more on the computer in fear that I might break it.  I swear I'm always bugging Matt when a message pops up.  I don't ever know if I should click yes or no.  I'm pathetic I know!  Anyways A couple of Christmas's ago I decided to get Matt an MP3 player.  I thought I was getting a really good deal on a Black Friday deal, turns out not so much.,  I got a piece of crap!  It didn't even last a year, and we had to replace it once 3 weeks after getting it..  Stupid me I threw the receipt away!  We were lucky that they let us replace it with the same product without it.  , 

This past Christmas we decided it was time to get with the times and get some kind of I pod. We decided to spend more and get a better product.  We found an apple 8 GB Touch I-Pod.  It was a black Friday deal at Target.  It also came with a $40 gift card, which helped us with Christmas.  It was fun to go as a family and get it.  I had high hopes that this one would work well.  We waited until Christmas to use it, and find out.  

Also getting with the times again.  I haven't had my own cell phone for a couple of years.  I have really missed having my own.  Yes Matt works graves, so I could have it during the day, but I would always forget to grab it.  I hate being on the road without one.  It makes me feel safer when I have it.  Just knowing I can call someone instantly if I have some kind of problem.  I decided it was time to add a line and get me a phone that could text.  We didn't text with our other phone.  It really didn't have texting capabilities, and we blocked the option to have it.  So in getting with the times, we got me a nice slider phone with a keyboard for an awesome deal.  

Matt has been eligible for an upgrade for a long long long time.  We just have never gone in and done it.  I really wanted him to get a phone like mine.  Just simple, but if we were to do it we would be paying out the rear for it.  Matt was eligible for a touch I-Phone for  99 cents.  We couldn't turn it down!  Since he got an I-phone the I-Pod was now mine.

I have had a blast texting, and just having my own phone again.  It's nice to feel included in the loop of my friends who do text. I feel safe and secure!  I'm still working on getting numbers entered into it, so I can text more family and friends.  I love the Touch I-Pod.  Love being able to check my email on it, listen to good music, check my calendar/to do lists, having all of the church literature on it, and being able to take pictures.  We have had 1 hangup so far  with the I-pod.  The camera got stuck and wouldn't open.  Luckily I saved the receipt this time, and they let us exchange it for a new one.  So far it has worked great!  I hope it was just a fluke thing.  The camera on it is so much better than our other one.  It has to last!  Everything else works nicely and has since we opened it.

Technology is pretty amazing!  There are so many different kinds of things out there.  I would love to get my hands on a Kindle.  It's amazing at how much Technology has evolved.  You buy something, and the next week it's outdated.  So crazy!  I hope my relationship with Technology will blossom and it will love me like I love it! LOL

Courtney Bell Rainbow Sparkly

 Last night we finally had another snow storm.  It would have been nice to have it happen for Christmas.  I guess better late than never?  I can't even remember the last time it snowed.  It's been forever! My girls haven't even been able to enjoy being kids and play in the snow this year because of the lack of.  We were all excited that it snowed, even me!  We really needed it, and hey I didn't have to wake up early and be out in it. Bonus!  The girls wanted to go out and play in it right away, but I said we needed to eat breakfast, clean up toys, get ready, read, and then we could go out in it.
After doing all of those things we got dressed in our snowsuits and snow gear and went outside.  I had to shovel the driveway and sidewalks and then I showed my girls how to build a snowman.  We had an absolute blast rolling the snowballs.  I was really worried about how I was going to get the middle ball on because it was so big.  I got one of the girls sleds and rolled the ball up,  It took a couple tries before I got it on.  What a great workout!  The girls wanted to make it a pirate snow girl, and so we did.  Our patch's were all packed up, but luckily we had Maddie's pirate princess hat from her Halloween costume this year in our dress up chest.  The girls named her Courtney Bell Rainbow Sparkly the Pirate Princess Snow girl.  Kenzie put a lot of thought into the first part of the name, and Maddie just blurts out Rainbow Sparkly.  It's hilarious, she is obsessed with anything rainbow, or sparkly.  I love it!  I think she turned out pretty cute, we did an awesome job building her.  We finished off the day by sledding in our backyard, it's nice to have a little hill.  What an awesome day to spend quality time with my girls!

New Years Resolutions

A new year has begun, and darn it it's going to be a great one!  I know that the start of a new year brings about new resolutions and goals.  You know just because it's a new year doesn't mean you have to start new goals and resolutions then and there.  You can do it anytime you want to.  For me though it is nice and refreshing to start it the beginning of the year.  Matt and I were talking about our resolutions and goals last night.   We came up with a list.  I came up with a list for myself as well.

Family goals:

1. Spend more time together as a family, and make it count.  Family outings, vacations.
2. Weekly Husband and Wife dates.  Last year around this time Matt and I started going out on a date during the day on his day off while the girls were in school.  It was fun!  We didn't always spend money, we would go to the Temple, or go run errands.  It was just nice to be together.  I miss that.  It is so important to have that alone time together.
3.  I know several people that have special one on one time with their kids.  That is so important!  Matt and I are going to start having Mommy and Daddy dates with the girls as well.  I'm thinking a special day for each of them with each of us each month.  It will be awesome!
4.  Teach the girls during nightly reading of the scriptures.  We do really well reading each night, but that's just not enough.  The girls lose their focus and start bothering each other.  Matt usually reads a 1 column a night in the scriptures.  We don't even discuss it with the kids so that they understand what is going on.  It gets really boring and I even lose focus.  Not good!
5.  Have weekly family home evening.  We were doing good last year, and then life happened and got in the way.  I think this year we will start letting the girls help us plan the lesson, and all that goes with it.  I want the girls to learn from us more than anything, and not just from church.  I want them to know that their parents knew the gospel and that it is important.
6.  Teach the kids service, and charity.  It is so important to help and give to other people. You get such a wonderful feeling inside when you have done something nice for someone, or have given them something.  A friend of mine did a day of service for each day of December.  It was so fun to read about what they did, and how they grew from doing it.  I want to be able to see who needs help and help them.
7/  Be better with our food storage and emergency preparedness.  We have food storage, and emergency items, but we are slacking.  The main thing we need to get is our water storage, I keep putting it off.  We want to start buying 1 big item a month for food storage and emergency as well.
8.  Temple.  Matt and I were able to go to the temple a lot last year.  One day I was talking to my friend and we started talking about the temple.  We both had wanted to be better about going.  So we decided to help each other get their with our spouses.  We swapped babysitting time so we could go.  We almost made it a whole year going monthly.  This year I want to make it a twice a month with Matt.  It's so important in every way just to get there.
9.  Budget.  We had a budget set, but we always went over.  It was always stressing me out.
10.  Savings accounts for the girls.  We opened up savings accounts for the girls a couple of years ago.  We want to start putting money in each month to help them out.

Karen's personal goals

1.  Try not to stress.  I really need to quit it, it's not good for my health.  I get so stressed sometimes that my left arm go funky and we know where that leads.  I don't want to die of a heart attack.  Life doesn't revolve around me.
2.  Be charitable.  I have had some very charitable acts done for me and for my family. It is so wonderful to be blessed that way.  Yesterday we talked about charity in the lesson for relief society.  It was such a good lesson.  I have tried to be charitable, but have been turned down.  They wouldn't accept what I wanted to give to them.  It's hard to have that happen.  I just wanted them to feel how I felt when charity was done for me.  I was telling my Mom this yesterday and she said " oh your time will come."  I hope so!
3.  Be more soft spoken.  I yell a lot at my kiddos, and I hate it.  It always makes me feel like complete crap. I need to think before I speak.
4.  Learn the law of attraction.  I want to think positive thoughts and speak them and get the things that I want that would be good for me and my family.  I just want good opportunities and reap the benefits from them.
5.  Enjoy life.  I do enjoy life, but I don't enjoy it to the fullest.  Worry always gets in my way.
6.  Be a better wife.  Kiss and hug more.  Communicate.  Do nice things.
7.  Be the best Mom to my kiddos.  Be there for them. Listen.  Teach.
8.  Be healthy.  To be healthy not to overdue on the sweets.  Eat fruits and veggies.  incorporate them into a daily diet.  We are going to get a juicer.  I know that will help.
9.  More sleep.  Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.  I need to quit staying up into the wee morning hrs.  I'm exhausted, and get very ornery because of it.
10.  Maintain my weight.  It has been a long long road this relationship between weight and me.  I have kept the weight off for a couple of years and it's been nice.  I work so hard every day to maintain.  I want to keep at it!  It makes me feel good.
11.  Remember the things that really matter.  Quit dragging the non important things into our lives and stressing about them.  So what if things aren't always put away right.  Quit being so OCD
12.  Get some hobbies.  I keep seeing all the fun things my friends are doing.  I get a little envious.  I could do fun things if I would just try.
13.  Be a better cook/baker.  I know how to cook and bake, but I want to try new things.
14.  Be more in tune with the spirit.  I want to know without a doubt that the spirit is guiding me.  I hate second guessing on whether that was a yes or a no answer to a prayer.  Learn to listen to those promptings to help me through life.
15.  Read more.  I love to read.  I just can't focus.  I want my focus back and to take time each day and read.
16.  Get Maddie out of diapers.  It's been hard to have her in diapers at night for this long.  I know each kid is different and will grow out of it.  I just hope this is the year.
17.  Get my kids active.  I don't want them to become addicted to video games.  I want them enrolled in something active.  I want them to gain skills, and talents.
18.  Do projects with my kids.  Learn together and have fun.
19.  Teach Kenzie how to cook/bake.  She is interested, I should start now.  She would have a blast, and she would be a big helper if she learned.
20.  Photo albums.  My kids need a photo album.  I grew up with one, and it was so fun to go back and forth once in awhile to see the change and reminisce.  I have all these pictures on the computer, but need to do something with them before something happens and I lose them.
21.  Talk to family members.  I have a good relationship with my family and Matt's family.  I just don't talk to any of them as much as I should.  I want them to know that I truly do love and care about them, and what they are up too.
22.  Quit being afraid.  Quit letting fear rule my life, it's dragging me down.  No more!

I truly do hope that I can do my part and keep up with these goals. I hope as a family that we can too.  I know it will build our relationships with each other, it's so important.  So bring it on 2012!  

Christmas 2011

Here are pictures that went along with my December 2011 post.

 The Christmas tree up and decorated:

Maddie and the tree:

Abravanel Hall with the Utah Symphony:

Kotter family Party:

Matt and Justin's birthday cake:

Maddie sing a long:

Kenzie sing a long.  I thought we had taken a picture of Kenzie singing with her class.  Matt did 2 video's of them.  The video's wouldn't transfer over.  So here are some random pictures throughout the night:

Kenzie with her friend Patience:

 Staying up until 2:30 making Maddie's magic wands.  I thought I did a pretty darn good job!  Maddie loved them.  It was so worth all of the burns from the glue gun to see her so happy!:

Chrisrmas Eve Pajamas:

Christmas morning:

Santa through in a special magic heart jewel as well:

The wii:

The DS:

The girls bed sets:

 I got this really cute hat from my Sister in-law Sarah.  She knows me so well!  Picture taken New Years Eve:

That's all the pictures we had.  I wish I could have gotten some better ones.  Despite all of the stress, we really did have a wonderful Christmas!  We love you all.  Thanks for reading, and thinking of us.